An Intern's Day

I created a journal of my day at work for a buddy over the summer, so that we could compare notes. It looked something like this...

8:45am--Arrive at work. Sign in for 8:00am

8:46am--Desk time. Sit at desk. Log-in to computer. Stare blankly at screen and watch the 10min verification process. Do not use this time to multi-task or be productive.

8:56am--Time to cash in 1 of a possible 7 'bathroom' breaks.

9:15am--Return to desk. Bring up mcsweeneys.net. Read.

9:45am--Open Excel. Continue reading mcsweeneys.net

10:00am--Rush through first spreadsheet of day. Print. Notice boss is on phone. Obviously, now is not a good time to give him the spreadsheet. Open cnn.com. Read.

10:30am--Boss is off phone. Bring him spreadsheet. When asked why a 15min task took 2hrs and 30 min, protest that he was on the phone.

10:45am--Return to desk with updated list of today's assignments. Now is an excellent time for an involved day dream about living the life of a Hilton sister, except one who is not a bitch, or stuck-up, but instead, incredibly popular. And male. Definently male. Also, really good at snowboarding, and other athletic indeavors. Pretty ripped too. You know, big, but with no body fat. Sort of the "I can do anything look--run, swim, bike, or lift large triangular iron weights..."

12:00pm--Whoa. Kind of blanked out there for a while. Oh, well. Lunch time.

12:30pm--Lunch break over. Continue eating lunch. If anyone asks, you just started.

12:45pm--Bathroom break (2).

1:00pm--Start assignments. On Excel. Consider Excel as a form of religous worship. Become more enthused as Excel starts to look more and more attractive as compared to, say, Hinduism.

1:30pm--In a burst of religous furvor, write most complicated formula ever on Excel.

2:00pm--Attempt to convert co-workers.

2:30pm--Wow, another blackout. Look up blacking-out on WebMD.

2:45pm--Hang out in bathroom (3).

3:00pm--Return to mcsweeneys.net. Market close.

3:30pm--(4)

3:45pm--Continue assignment.

3:50pm--Kill ten minutes.

4:00pm--One hour left. Hurray. Into the "home stretch."

4:10pm--Realize that there is now very little time left. Complain that your boss always leaves things until the last minute to assign them to you. Receive sympathy from co-workers. Suppress disdain for co-workers.

4:15pm--Rush off assignments. Give them to boss. Hope that now you can go home early. Instead, boss gives you new assignments.

4:32pm--Suppress rage. Fail.

4:45pm--Rush off last assignment. Bathroom break (5). Consider how odd it is to hang out in the bathroom. At least it's quiet and empty. And there's a mirror.

4:55pm--Boss congragulates you on getting everything done. Consider this an especially productive day. Mentally continue congragulating self on how well you work under high stress environments. Look forward to entering the business world for real. Imagine self as millionaire business tycoon. Consider how great you look in a suit.

5:00pm--Sign out as 5:15pm

5:01pm--Elevator time. Make small talk about how tough the day was with others in the elevator.